old fashioned

i've been thinking lately, & i think my main issues with dudes are that:

________________________________________________________

[a] i'm VERY old fashioned

[b] i'm jaded.
[c] i either dont catch ANY feelings for someone or catch TOO MANY.

[d] i hate playing games but don't know how not to.
[e] i look on the inside not the outside. ________________________________________________________

[a] i've never been 1 of those chicks who wants to like meet you at 2 am in your room to chill. i'm not going to EVER go smack at a boy, no matter how cute he is..i won't give your homeboy my # to give to you cause you wanted him to put you on.. infact more than likely i'll take your # & maybe if i want you to have mine i MIGHT text you at a reasonable time, like 4 pm..not 4 am & i'm gonna ask you what your major is, not if you wanna come over. i'm just not down with the tips people are on these days, they def. had it right in the old days.

[b] i'm mega jaded.. i dont trust easily, if at all.. i think all boys are liars..& when someones starting to remind me of someone i used to talk to i FLIP..i think only girls who dont deserve men have them & assume all boys want is my nanas [which arent an option] basically i've been screwed too many times, & no matter how hard i try to forget all the shit & give boys a chance. shit doesnt work.

[c] i have one of those all or nothing personalities that are [in my opinion] very rare. i never do anything i dont plan to do 100%, but ironically sometimes i really just dont g.a.f regardless of how hard i try to..if i like you i LIKE you..if i dont i DONT point____period.i've broken just as many hearts as ppl have broke mine & thats just life, i dont like being that girl, but i'd rather not be the vulnerable one in ANY situation, & obviously thats horrible, & the wrong way to go about things but thats why im working on the shit.

[d] i honestly think game playing is one of the dumbest things black people have invented, & i say black, not because im some cyncical racist against my own people, but seriously white people dont play this shit..they ALWAYS speak their feelings, white boys will chase a girl forever, & vice versa theyll tell you what you did made them -mad -happy -cry -scream -giggle any emotion, theyre fine sharing. us on the other hand are the opposite.. i dont care if a boy breaks me down so bad i want to jump off a bridge i'm not letting him see me sweat, MUCH less cry unless its just that bad. & i think that enclosure of feelings is the root of so many problems. maybe when a boy spends the day with me i should let him know i really enjoyed hanging out, or when he holds the door say thanks your such a gentleman, or when he says you look pretty today tell him i was hoping he would notice. i think sometimes emotions NEED to be shown, & maybe the state of a lot of relationships i've had would be different. if the only emotion that ever gets reinforced is anger that is'nt getting across to the other person the tru feeling you want to get across which is most likely hurt, or embarassment, or loneliness.. etc.

[e] i'm NOT like these other girls out here who care about superficial shit.. i dont care how many things you could buy me, i dont care where your daddy works.. i dont care that i would be in a different crowd if i talked to you.. i dont care that youre "famous" i dont care about any of that.. i care that you text me & ask me if im ok after i had a bad day, i care that when i'm with you i smile the whole time, i care that when i wakeup after we got in a fight you texted me apologizing cause you couldnt go to sleep knowing you hurt my feelings, i care that when you hug me you hold on a few extra seconds, i care that when i'm being out of line you know how to tell me appropriately, i care that when something goes wrong i can hit you up for advice, i care that if i see you talking to another girl i can be sure its just a conversation. i care about what matters.